Stella Frances

Sometime Ago During My Unhappy Season

Growing up, we are taught what success looks like. Not so long ago, I thought my life was picture perfect and that everything was going according to plan. All of the hallmarks of a happy, successful life seemed to be in place: the picket fence, the dog, a happy marriage, and a great job.

I had obtained my IT degree and completed the Microsoft certifications in record time. Working in the IT field afforded me the opportunity to work with ingenious, resourceful minds and I loved my job supporting networking systems for corporate companies.

I was a force. Meeting deadlines, working long, rolling out hardware upgrades to accommodate the latest and greatest software implementations. It was a fast-paced field full of fast-paced people and I was keeping up with the best of them.

Of course, at the time I was sure that I was perfectly happy. I may have been a little stressed and a lot underweight. I may have often felt sad and, even more often, very tired as I rode a 5:20am train to work every morning, but I was too wrapped up in my “success” to see that my picture perfect life was frayed around the edges.

My “success” somehow became a constant state of busy that left me with no time to enjoy life’s important moments. Without realizing it, I had made work my only priority and, in a sense, an escape route from reality. My life had become so unbalanced and something had to give.

What finally gave was my body. The stress of juggling family responsibilities, an unwanted divorce, and increasingly stressful job brought on fibromyalgia, chronic fatigue, and heavy depression. Extreme flare-ups would often stop me from even leaving the house. I was experiencing a glorious burnout. Eventually, stress and exhaustion caught up with me. One day at work I just collapsed. When I was driven home that day, I had no inkling that I would never return.

This was the beginning of what, at the time, seemed to be the end. My home, heart, and body were broken. My dreams had come crushing down. I spent countless hours retracing my steps, trying to identify what had gone wrong. Hadn’t I been happy? How could I have failed so miserably? How did I get myself here and, more importantly, how would I get myself out?

Thinking about the future would paralyze me with fear and constantly reliving the past left me deeply frustrated and sad. More often than not, I feared my life was passing me by. I was experiencing the darkest night of the soul in super action, except I was no super woman.

My entire life, I had focused on what I needed to do and got the job done. That was the only way I knew how to operate, but life as I knew it had stopped. I knew I didn’t want to continue down the road I was traveling, but I had no idea what I wanted.

Looking back, I can remember the night I finally realized just how hard I pushed myself. Now that I had pushed myself to burnout, I was stuck. My illness constantly kept me a prisoner of the pretty house. But the reality of being stuck was overshadowed by the fear of not knowing how to fix it. I was sitting on the sofa with my 11 year old daughter and everything came to a very sobering clarity. Looking at her, I realized this was not the way I wanted her to remember me, not how I wanted her to grow up, and not the life I wanted her to have. That moment became a catalyst, I’d made a choice. I told myself, “Enough is enough!”  I’d finally had enough of being sick and tired. I’d had enough of being sad and broken.

I was ready for a radical change. I didn’t know what shape that change would take yet, but I knew I couldn’t keep doing things in the same way that got me to where I was. I had to figure out another way of being and I made the decision to adopt a new attitude.

At Last!  The Wind in my Sails!

It’s amazing what can grow from unfortunate circumstances. Not accepting my circumstances and making the decision to push forward helped me achieve a new definition of success and fulfillment in my personal and professional life. Through all of the health issues, heartache, and work challenges I realized that I had to find a new way.

To paraphrase Einstein, you can’t solve the problem with the same thinking that created it. If I wanted to change my life, I had to change my thinking, my beliefs about the future, and re-evaluate my entire value system. I decided to take a long, hard look at who I was and I who I wanted to become. I wanted to see if I could turn my breakdown into a breakthrough. So I started to pay attention.

In order for this to work, I needed to understand myself: who I am and what makes me tick. I started to ask myself some vital questions. How was I showing up in my relationships? Was I letting the hurts and disappointments of the past shape my future? How could I change my “programming” to become more than I ever was? And, perhaps most important, what I come here to do and what was my true purpose in life?

Looking back, I could see the claw marks left on the walls where I didn’t want to let go. I discovered and deleted negative thought patterns, identified belief systems that no longer served me, and I brought myself back to health. Changing my thoughts, beliefs, and environment transformed my life beyond what I would have ever thought possible.

The principles I now teach helped me change my life and, indirectly, the lives of the people that I love and care for the most. Through the turbulent but beautiful journey of self-discovery, I learned to trust life. I learned to embrace my mistakes and not let my regrets hold me back. I visited the darkest corners of my shadow and learned to open up to the world of infinite possibilities. I learned to forgive myself and others. And above all, I learned to be grateful.

Stagnation is no longer an option for me. I know now, that as long as I’m willing to put in the work, I can turn my life around at any time.

Now life feels incredibly fun, safe, and extremely rewarding! Life happens and flows with ease. When I trust life, the right people, things, and circumstances always seem to arrive at the right time and in the right place. Never before have I felt so close to my myself, my daughter, my family, and my friends. Never before have I felt so alive and deeply fulfilled. I have once again rediscovered my passion for life. Through this journey I have fallen in love with the life I’m living and I’ve found my passion in helping others create a life they love.

 

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Happiness is a skill.

Through my programs and workshops, I show you how to cultivate the skill of lasting happiness with a system based on the laws of life and the principles of success. You are more than you think you are and if you’re ready to take responsibility for your happiness and live your most authentic life, I’m ready to empower you and guide you to your ideal life.

Though I work with clients from different backgrounds, each experiencing their own unique trials, I’ve found that the most common theme is a persistent feeling that something is missing. They often share with me that they feel a sense of lack, but are unable to pinpoint the source of their unrest.

You may find that you feel overwhelmed, lonely, and generally unfulfilled in your personal life.

You may be stressed in your workplace, irritated by your coworkers’ lack of empathy. Or a sense of complacency and disinterest in your professional life.

You may have recently undergone a major life experience or change. Struggling with self-worth after retiring from the workforce, afraid to try love again after marital transitions, frustrated and exhausted after professional burnouts, navigating through a lost sense of identity with empty nest syndrome.

No matter what trials life has handed you, you can begin to change your mindset. If you’re ready for a change but not quite sure how to begin, I’m here to support you. If you know you have to do something about the relationship that’s not going anywhere, the job that’s no longer rewarding, or the big dream you’re too afraid to realize, I’m here to guide you.

My coaching is for you if you:

• want more out of life and are ready to do something about it.
• feel uninspired and complacent and know it’s time to move beyond their comfort zone.
• are willing to take the next step to living a fulfilling, purpose-driven life.
• understand that moving forward means following your heart.

I use an effective, proven system that works if you’re willing to do the work. We begin by examining your priorities at the present moment, where you’ll figure out what matters to you the most. Once we determine that, we’ll establish a plan and follow-up through actionable goals in order to create the desired outcome. This system has inspired and empowered myself and countless others to create a happy, fulfilling life.

We are all looking for more happiness, but so few of us make it our mission to pursue it. Becoming the best version of ourselves is a skill that we aren’t taught in school. It’s an art that we can master once we learn to truly understand who we are as a person by examining what our beliefs, values, and perceptions are. I believe we must “Know Thyself” and “Be Thyself” for a happier, fulfilling, and meaningful life.

You will learn how to:

• stop the mind’s negative chatter-box.
• delete reacting and move into responding to life’ wake up calls.
• turn the knowledge of the past into today’s wisdom.
• discover what makes you feel truly
• break free through the act of forgiveness.
• elevate your life through gratitude.
• step into your true self.

If you are ready to experience less stress, more happiness, a deeper sense of inner peace, and a zest for life, I invite you to join me for a 30-minute complimentary discovery session to see if my coaching program is the right fit for you.

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